so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
