So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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