We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
then he tried to convert me to islam
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
