I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize