omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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