Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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