but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
