No awkward lesbian experiences without me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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