How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize