There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
