No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
