my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
