I want to have your abortion
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
