we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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