Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
