I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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