i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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