who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
