at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
