So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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