What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
