He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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