9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she smelled like a LAN party
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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