I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
