My cat gives me a boner
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
