It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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