i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
