I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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