I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
