I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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