I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
