Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
