she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
