Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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