Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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