I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
