Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize