youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
