I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
