Pappa wants mamma naked
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
