I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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