We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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