My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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