My Higher Power is John Stamos
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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