I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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