Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
