somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
