Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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