You made me cry and you don't even care
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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