Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
