As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
