Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
