im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
