Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
