i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
