we have pet lesbian snakes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
