I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw a hot homeless man
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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