We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
