dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
