I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
