How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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