Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
