Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
