Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
