thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
