I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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