id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
