you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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