she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
