Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
