I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
