there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want a musical about memes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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