The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
