Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
