We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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