Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
do herpes really smell.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
